Okay let’s pay attention for a moment
Let’s consider how context can rapidly evolve something said simply from plain and perfunctory to pure puncturing pain
And let’s take a quick look in degrees
Let’s say three
Three degrees of context
(skipping over some nuances, sure, but goddammit we only have so much time and space here):
Not much to unpack , right?
You couldn’t be more wrong.
Let’s try it again, goddammit:
- hurts little and actually feels efficient when a work colleague says so at the natural conclusion of a yet another content-filled conference call
- humiliates and generates instantaneous cheek-flushing when a woman says so to the young man enamored of her and in the immediate aftermath of his incoherent stumbling to find the words that will finally reveal his intrinsic handsomeness and star quality
- h-bombs the father’s aging but still child-like heart when the son says so, gathered among his friends, after the dad joke is made, ham-handedly sure, but actually quite funny to the now faltering father walking away wounded in his withering heart, head hung, stunned
Life is context
And adjusting to it.
Can you stay true and you in each new scene?
Can you, maggot?
(I’m not a drill sergeant but goddammit I dreamed I would be!
But I can’t be
I just can’t
These kids are so darn cute!)
I nearly passed by it
Co-workers on the beach quiet
Lee kissing Lim
Burning skin in intense city dreams
These are the dreams
The dreams life is made of
The dreams it’s so good to be out of
Fists clenched still
Life presents endless cycles
Endless eruptions of fear elation anxiety
In this still, still life
It’s so good to be out of the office
Neck rolls and shoulder shrugs
Breathe in and close the eyes
Allow the peace to come and call
The depths the soul
The death of the soul
Eyes wide revealing it now
Ah, see them still
Life, why don’t I have this still
Soft sands soft hands
A melting sun
Yesterday morning I observed you
From my living room
Via my drone
Tee hee hee
You sat at the cafe table for two
With your eight year old son
And gazed lovingly into your smartphone
Tsk tsk tsk
I left my soft warm perch
Braved the cold stairway and sidewalk air
And beat you to death with my selfie stick
Tee hee hee
How do those words feel falling from your mouth?
These ideas you’ve scoffed so long and now own?
How far removed from the orbit of your soul do you find yourself today?
Has the reality of the failure begun to set in?
Or have you just accepted this dry wrinkle your days have become?
Let the humorless warm bath of rigid frigidity soak in?
And is this all just okay?
You mother fuck.
Proud of yourself and this language, these narrow thoughts in which you’ve jailed your imagination?
May you always remember the late night you gazed up from the earth and felt profound irrelevance and omnipotence all at once, the understanding you possessed in that instant.
May you never forget how you have forgotten that!
The water feels wonderful on my skin tonight
I can breathe for what feels like the first time in years
All jagged edges of my daily toil sanded away with the finest of grain
The soap smells cleaner than it ever has
You’ve gotta hand it to the guys in the Cinemax Soft-Core Porn division for getting one thing right:
Bubble baths by candlelight bring life a rich bouquet of much needed joy