Which way do I go?

It would be so easy for me to evolve into a jolly old elf, laughing heartily, bringing cheer and mirth to the humdrum day
It’s as if it were in my DNA or etched in some god’s tablets, decreed by the founding fathers
And Obama
But I don’t want to be fat
You hear me, ye spinsters of fate
I don’t want to be fat
I want tone and the envy of my peers just as badly as I crave the classic sundae before me
Dreams dilemmas and delusions
The working title of my autobiography