Bahn Vahg-Ner

BonWagner is that poet with the beard. He spontaneously emerged one dull afternoon in a high school physics class from the crown of a future corporate recruiter studying vectors and time and wondering when will those parallel lines converge. He soon went on to write some of the most compelling and heart-felt death-metal music of all time.

BonWagner matured like a cheap wine over the years to compose vinegary vignettes, dole out droll directives and advice, and fantasize of himself as an internet inventor whose breakthrough achievements the world has yet to recognize.

BonWagner lives in an undisclosed location with his wife, some children, his favorite CrossFit coach, and a litter of dogs and chickens. It’s difficult to differentiate among them.

The poet prefers gin in the summer and vodka in the winter (it’s a free-for-all bacchanal in the ecstatic spring and romantic fall).